Dreaming
Within the grey matter that is the source of human consciousness, are stored the beautiful patterns of memories and knowledge about the experiences, events and moments of our lives, a feature of consciousness that is such a curiosity to me, I find it interesting that as humans we tend to spend so much time thinking about the past, living in those memories, but within that our focus tends to be narrow, well I don’t want to generalize to much, but for me anyway, the focus tends to be on specific events that maybe didn’t seem to go our way, or the high points where we received just what we wanted, but it is less often we look at it all in totality, appreciate it for breathtakingly beautiful pattern it is, that each moment was the path to the next, each one as important as the next, and the next, and the next, that in each moment, even the dullest and most exceedingly boring moment to which you can remember, is as important as any other, we can’t make a wrong choice, or have something not go our way. This is a nebulous concept to lay out, as it all occurs within the mind, there is nothing physically to lock on to or see, so I guess I am going to ask you to open your mind and bear with me as a stumble through these words.
This thought I have been wrestling with, actually more like a playful light sparring, is there even such a thing as the path not taken or an opportunity missed? It sure seemed as such for most of my life, but I am not so sure anymore, I tend to believe there is no such thing. Sitting here at this massive white oak writing desk, with the sun streaming in and warming my sunroom this morning, on its way to a steamy hot midwestern summer day, I have come to recognize that I am at interesting intersection, a junction of sorts, what seems to be big moments of this life journey laying out in front of me, this has been a year of realignment for me, finding alignment with love, purpose, and priorities. I sit here in this creaky old wood desk chair, certainly not the most comfortable choice for my boney ass, just because I like how its feels when I write, some uncomfortableness, knowing that whatever I decide is for me, is the perfect choice in that moment, I really can’t go wrong. More than any single decision, and of much greater importance is the choice I make on how I show up everyday, in each moment of the day, to life and the commitments and choices I have made. If I can wake up everyday and find joy in all that I am doing, with a curiosity for the peculiarities of this human existence, then whatever is to find me, will.
As a beautifully brilliant woman reminded me recently and inspired me to write these words I am laying out here, what we choose is of little consequence, the journey is going to take us to the same point, we all end up exactly where we are supposed to be, no matter what, because it is not what we choose in “trying” to plan our future that matters, it is the choices we make every second, within each moment, in the present, how we interact with it, play with it, are we curious, and it is that which takes us to new fulfilling places deeper within this journey, and the more you can become aware of your own story, your conditioning, your own limiting beliefs about this “you”, the more you can unlock.
While the choices of human existence we make seem so significant at times, I am not so certain these days that they matter at all, not in the good or bad or right or wrong way, each person seems to be on their own path of learning, each choice is perfect for them, even if we don’t understand it, it is not ours to understand, besides each of us has enough work in front of us to remember for ourselves. The one thing we do have control over.
The story goes that plant medicine was brought to the tribes of the Amazon river basin centuries ago by very wise people, teachers that knew that humans would fall in love with this dream, that he and she would be prone to fall right into it, the illusion, and forget where he came from and what he really is, and thus this plant medicine was given to help him remember, remember his origin and his purpose here. This story has such depth and energy for me, if I was to put a theme over all my experiences with this medicine, this would be solidly representative.
Regret seems to be such a uniquely human experience, to have the awareness to the concept of a past, something that actually doesn’t even exist, I wonder if dolphins know regret as a feeling, something tells me they don’t, trying to imagine a dolphin fretting about the perfect fish lunch that got away, or the beautiful lady porpoise that somehow slipped through his fins, seems unlikely to me, whatever was, is gone, the only thing that matters is the right now, regrets hold us in this place of purgatory, where we are so caught up in the illusion of past that we can’t see that what is actually happening in this moment is all there is, and the only thing left of the past is the memories and knowledge we carry with us.
To that end, we are not in the past nor the future, the path not taken is an illusion, the regret is not required nor is fret about whatever is about to happen tomorrow, that is a choice, instead we can choose to see it as exactly what we needed, trust that this is the place we need to be, so instead of being caught in the trap of the dream, we just decide how we want to live this life in the present moment, and as far as I am concerned the only way to live this life properly is with a curiosity and zest, because what other point could their be? I choose to believe there can be no mistake, there is no path not taken or opportunity missed, there is only this moment and what I choose do with it, it is the only thing I have a choice in, and if we want to create a new experience for ourselves, right now is the time to begin, the present moment is the only starting point that will ever exist.
“He who forgets will be destined to remember.” - Nothingman, Pearl Jam
Joshua
