On A Death

I awaken in complete darkness, there is no feeling, I don’t know where I am, just blackness all around, I can’t see my hand an inch away from my face, I can’t distinguish anything here in this place, my eyes are open, at least it seems so, I reach up with my hand to check, yes they are open, just complete and total darkness, an emptiness with some fear mixed in for good measure, pervading my thoughts, I can’t figure out anything here, confusion sets in as time moves at a painfully slow pace, dragging, restless energy builds, cold chills and shivers rush through my body, a deeper darker fearful energy sets in, I am anxious to leave this place, so I do, and to gain context I move back in time, to an earlier important moment in this lifetime. At once I find myself transported to a new place, but still in complete darkness, I hear people, the hooves of horses clack on the street below, people going to and fro, conducting their business, living out their lifetimes and the lessons they have come to this existence to learn, the sound of ocean waves crashing, I can smell and taste the salt in the air, the roughness of the wood floor beneath my feet, I seem to be sitting on the edge of bed, as there is a soft bouncy quality under me, the pattern of the heavy quilt lays out to the touch of my hand, I still can’t see anything, I think to myself, “am I blind?”, but I don’t believe so, I get up an move around, using my hands to guide me, first to the open window, following the the sounds and smells to their source, the salty breeze blowing in off the ocean moves across my face, I take a deep breath soaking in the energy of this place, beautiful bright light energy, deep into my lungs, I then turn and move in the opposite direction, shuffling across the floor, with a carefulness and pace to not bump into anything, across the room I find a door, I reach for and find the door handle, as I wrap my finders around the knob, it hits me, a sense of knowing, an understanding that happens in an instant, I don’t know why I know, I just know, maybe the familiarity of the metal doorknob to the touch of the hand, but this is my bedroom, my energy space, where I rest, where I find the solitude my spirit needs, in the upstairs of the house in which I live, I live with my grandparents, I can hear them downstairs, they are my grandparents in this lifetime, and the same ones I knew in my present lifetime before their passing, it is their same energy force, it is as clear as a glacier born mountain lake, but I know and feel that there is nothing else to learn here in this space, time to go back now, back forward in time, back to where I started, where I awoke. All at once I am back in the darkness, there is still nothing, cold and black as black can be, so I consider a different perspective, I imagine rising up out of this body, at once I begin to rise upward to get a different view, I rise up through the narrow cracks to the light above, leaving this physical body to get a birds eye view, out through the rocks and into the sun and blue sky, soaring like a bird, once again I can taste the salty air on my tongue, I can see it all now, with compete clarity of vision, the rocks, a cave, a massive structure of giant black volcanic boulders, setup on a cliff overlooking the deepest darkest blue ocean these eyes have ever laid witness too, it’s clear now, not sure why it becomes clear, but it is clear, I am stuck in there, I crawled in or fell in, I am unsure, but considering what I know about my spirit and its sense of adventure and exploration, I expect I crawled in myself and got stuck, I am a just boy, maybe 12 or 13 years old, the reality of these circumstances sets in, I am experiencing the end of this life, I somehow got myself trapped inside this cave, maybe a cave in, but no matter, I am trapped, there is no way out, and it’s a long way from anyone who could lend a helping hand. Just as quickly as I moved out of it, I abruptly move back inside my trapped human form, in an instant I am back inside the darkness, a feeling of loneliness and fear moves through me, a tidal wave of fear pounds my being, this is where I die, I know it, there is no just cause to experience the fear and pain of death, so I move forward in time to moment of death of this human body, into the experience of peace that exists beyond our current reality, where the cord to this world is severed for all time, in that moment I understand why we die, simply so we can fully appreciate the perfection of all that is, an understanding that can only be had by fully letting go of our grip to our human existence, I see that nothing is out of place, not a single rock, grain of sand, or blade of grass, everything is perfect, all earthly concerns are no matter, no more worries, no more desire, my spirit moves on, the energy of my being, the essence of the true me, just a knowing that all is one and all is love, and feel it as a deep profoundness in my spirit, the truth, I know am going back to the source, because I am the universe, I am pure energy, and energy can not be destroyed, I will go back to where I existed before this lifetime began, where I will rest, and where I will await my next lifetime somewhere out there, maybe here on Earth, maybe on some other planet in this universe, or somewhere beyond our human understanding, somewhere out there within the vast infiniteness of the multiverse.

Joshua